The day after my first double at the club, which was also my second ever shift, I woke up to aches and pains radiating through my entire body. My legs felt like I spent three hours on the stair-stepper at the gym. My feet, well let’s just say them dogs were barking and I had a couple of super-cute blisters from my not-yet broken in clear vinyl pleasers along my toes.
I could only imagine this must be what it felt like to fall a few dozen feet onto the hard ground but miraculously not break anything. The kind of ache, not even Epsom salt and a hot bath would cure. The kind of ache that made you wonder if it would always feel like this as you smiled at the stack of cash you brought home and thought, Fuck it.
Welp, I hate to say but after 3 months out of the club, I think we’re all going to suffer through some baby stripper aches and pains again. But this time, we’re gonna come correct and prepare for that shit, like the older, wiser, and healthier strippers we want to be.
Action Plan for getting back to that reverse 9-5 in the best way possible:
1.) Start Adjusting Your Sleep Schedule Have you still been rocking those nightlife hours or have you resorted to an earlier to bed, earlier to rise lifestyle? If you aren’t used to being up till 4 or 5 am anymore that first shift back at the club will be a real shock to your system. Our bodies have a natural circadian rhythm cued to the rise and fall of daylight, but much like when you travel across time zones your body can adapt to different schedules over time. Abruptly interrupting the cycle by staying up till 5 am when your body is no longer used to it can cause stress hormones like cortisol to rise and prevent your body from properly recovering from all that extra physical activity. Slowly, adjusting your sleep schedule back to nightlife hours before the first shift back will help reduce some of the stress on your body, because that one dude who will want to take off his required mask will stress you out enough.
2.) Create a Stretch Routine Most of us haven’t been as active as when we were dancing multiple nights a week. Maybe you don’t have a pole at home to practice or, even if you did, your intentions of learning all those pole tricks didn’t happen while you shifted your hustle online, struggled to figure out unemployment and generally dealt with the roller coaster of emotions that came with being on lockdown for three months. So, as we squeeze our feet back into our 6, 7, 8,” pleasers and get back to twerking, floor humping & climbing poles, our bodies will be in a bit of shock. That baby stripper first double-shift kind of shock. Taking the time to spend 15-20 minutes stretching now will help build the habit of doing it before and after work. And if you never had that habit before, it’s a GREAT time to build it. If you don’t have a foam roller, it’s a worthy investment. A yoga or massage ball to hit particularly tight spots and roll out your feet is also beneficial. Your body is your livelihood as a stripper, taking care of it is investing in yourself, your health, and the longevity of your hustle.
3.) Dust off them Heels Unless you’ve pivoted into foot fetish content or were already making it, I’ma guess you haven’t put on your platform heels in months. We all remember that baby giraffe feeling as we tried to learn how to walk effortlessly in our first pair of pleasers. Do yourself a favor, break them out, dust them off, and get used to being sexy on stilts again. While it will most likely come back pretty quickly, that whole “like riding a bike” expression, being able to walk gracefully and your feet not wanting to cry after a couple of hours is quite different. As dancers, our feet take almost as much of a beating as our psyche from the work we do. So, much like you probably have a pretty set self-care ritual (you do don’t you?) to offset the emotional labor, your feet need a little TLC too.
4.) Schnacks Schnacks Schnacks A lot of, but not all, clubs have a house mom and house mom’s got those snacks. Bags of chips, granola bars, rice crispies, trail mix if you’re lucky. Your club might also have a kitchen where you can order food. I hear you, the discounted menu prices for dancers are less than take-out. But, if the first bit of the money you make goes to pay house fees and tip outs, why are you giving them more of your damn money? Plus, when you’re exhausted from being up till 4 am, you won’t make the best food choices for maintaining energy. That bag of Doritos from Mom ain’t giving you what you need to power through another couple hours of being that super fun party grrl you need to be. This ends now, we glowing our snack game up bitches. We’re bringing them from home. Not only is it cheaper, but you can make sure to bring the right kind of snacks: healthy fats, protein, and fast & slow-digesting carbs. This way you can stay energized and keep your mind fresh to upsell those customers. Not sure what those things are? Get my top hustle bag must-haves for a rundown on the best snacks to keep you full and energized at work.
5.) Hydration Trust, we are all gonna want to have a couple of drinks to celebrate being back at the club, but alcohol dehydrates you and we’re in re-acclimation mode. So, water is your friend. I mean water is ALWAYS you friend, but especially as you readjust to work life. If you decide to throw back a couple of shots, or a big spender buys a bottle of champagne, do your best to drink water between each glass. A good rule of thumb is a glass of water for every boozy beverage. Even better, have some water every hour you’re at work. So often we get carried away chatting and hustling the floor, hours go by before we realize we haven’t had a single drink of water or a small snack to keep us going. Hustle Smarter & Healthier, not harder grrl. Your mind and body will thank you later. And remember your worth is not equal to the amount of money you make.